To Be or Not To Be?

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Year: 1996
Location: Kirti Group Tuitions, Dombivli (E)
Scene: I was in the 12th grade and was going to Pabrekar Sir for PCMB tuitions. One day after class he was talking to all the girls in my class, a real small number and said something like: Don't let guys distract you... चांगला शिका, मुलांची लाइन लागेल :-) Nothing extraordinary.... Being pushed for good grades and education was nothing new to me..... It was present everywhere, except at home (lucky me..... everybody should have my parents!!!!). I ddin't need him to tell me about guys!
Year: 2009
Location: Somewhere in Andheri
Scene: My cousin and I were talking and she mentioned a sister-in-law who was past the average age of marriage (among Maharashtrians), worked in IT, drew a very good salary, did not have a boyfriend and was trying for an arranged marriage. Following are the "responses" she got:
  1. Guy: I don't want a girl who earns more than I do.
  2. Guy's mom: We don't want a girl from IT. They have weird working hours. We don't want to spend the rest of our lives raising their children.

When she told me this, I couldn't stop thinking about Pabrekar Sir.... Maybe I should go back and visit him :-) Today's urban, highly educated males and their educated (if not highly) parents!!!! I was really surprised that the demands are getting so specific... It used to be "tall, fair, slim", then we added "working and homely", and now the addition is "good salary, but not weird working hours or should not earn more than the guy"..... Unbelievable!!!! So what's the solution for a gal like her who was always told that "concentrate on your education, don't let guys distract you, they will follow a good degree and a good job." ?

Comments

Shreyas said…
I guess your professor wanted you to avoid any distractions (guys or otherwise). And I am sure the education your relative obtained was cause she wanted that for herself.

I guess the guy is not right for her anyways, weather she has decent work hours or not making as much money. So good riddance!!

I feel these two is independent, or atleast she should not like the two....
July 27, 2009 at 3:00 PM
Mishra DK said…
After reading your blog, you know what I concluded? Every thing is a problem till it is resolved.

You remember I had told you some thing when you had come to India last time?

Here the issue is communication, understanding and to come across the the right person.
N e way lets wish for the best.
July 31, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Anonymous said…
lets keep all others things same, and you are looking for a guy. Would you like to marry a person with significantly lower salary than yours. would you like to marry a guy working at night odd hours.

Probably not.

If the guy and parents are honest and frank upfront what's wrong?
August 1, 2009 at 12:47 PM
goldendekhane said…
I do agree honesty and frankness are better than having to deal with problems later. But we also need to realize that after you get married, you and your spouse are a team and whatever money comes into the household helps the family, esplly children (when they come into picture). As far as odd working hours go, I think both partners can work out the situation very easily (I know couples who are dealing with this situation).... If other things like compatibility and chemistry work between two individuals then I don't think these are real issues... I agree with Mishra D K: coming across the right person is the hardest thing here.
August 11, 2009 at 6:21 PM
goldendekhane said…
@Shreyas: I am not sure if the two are independent. The point is that for whatever good reasons you are telling the girls to be successful but when the time comes, what it really means is "Be successful... but only so much that you don't hurt the fragile ego of a guy whom you might want to marry"... Somehow it sounds hypocritical to me... It kind of makes me feel like we want women to work and be independent so that they can help us with finances and not be a burden on the men, they can take care of themselves, but we don't want them to go ahead of the men... that is something apparently today's man still cannot handle???
August 13, 2009 at 4:26 AM
Anonymous said…
quite a coincidence this is... I just stumbled upon this page. I see that there are other ppl thinking about this too! I don't know if every guy/gal is quite clear about what they are looking in their partner. Their opinion is certainly 'influenced' by others-close ones and not so close-ones. Very interesting! Good blog. :)
November 1, 2009 at 7:39 AM
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